Last Night’s Dream

September 14, 2009

I almost never have a dream at night that keeps coming back, even if I awaken from it.  I awakened four times from this dream, and each time, when I returned to sleep, the dream came back.

I dreamed that my wife, Millie, came to me to confess that she’d been having an affair. She detailed the affair, how it started, where it took place, and why it ended.

In the dream, I said I wouldn’t talk about the affair unless our getting a divorce was off the table, no longer an option.

She agreed to this and so we aired out our feelings about the affair and ended up, in the dream, holding each other. It was almost like a break through in our marriage, a time of rare, painful honesty that drew us closer together.

The weird thing about the dream was that she had the affair with a friend of mine who has been dead since 1984.

In the dream, not only was he alive, but his conscience was unbothered by the affair and he was unaffected by how devastated I was.

So, what does it mean to have a dream about my wife, my partner in our joyless marriage, having an affair with a dead man, the ultimate in unattainable lovers?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that the dream is haunting me. I’ve been cheated on before and the dream stirred up the feelings I had before when I was cheated on. They are feelings unique from any others.

So, today, I’m making my way through the day wondering if my wife has been in the arms of another man or woman.

We’ll see if anything develops from my wonderings, from the fears and memories stirred up by this dream.

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More on the Dream

September 14, 2009

I’ve been thinking more today about details from my dream of Millie having an affair.

This friend of mine who died in 1984 was a compulsive home buyer.  I’ve never known anyone like him.  He regularly sold whatever house he was living in and moved to another one, sometimes as often a twice or three times a year.

It was weird, and as I think back on it, and the circumstances surrounding his death, signal he was in trouble.

But, in the dream, once Millie got the fact out before us that she had been sleeping with my friend and that we weren’t going to divorce, we started talking about my friend, in this light banter  — along the lines of me wondering how many different houses she’d fucked him in, but that led to something I didn’t find so funny:  they’d fucked in our bed.

I thought the affair had only taken place outside our home, but it took place in our home, as well.

I began to realize that when I had taken off during the summer to visit my mother and other family, it had opened the way for Millie and my friend to be lovers in our bed.

I shook myself awake from this development and decided it was time to feed the dog, get some coffee, and leave the world of my dark dreams behind and see if the waking world might be better, even in my joyless marriage.