Last Night’s Dream

September 14, 2009

I almost never have a dream at night that keeps coming back, even if I awaken from it.  I awakened four times from this dream, and each time, when I returned to sleep, the dream came back.

I dreamed that my wife, Millie, came to me to confess that she’d been having an affair. She detailed the affair, how it started, where it took place, and why it ended.

In the dream, I said I wouldn’t talk about the affair unless our getting a divorce was off the table, no longer an option.

She agreed to this and so we aired out our feelings about the affair and ended up, in the dream, holding each other. It was almost like a break through in our marriage, a time of rare, painful honesty that drew us closer together.

The weird thing about the dream was that she had the affair with a friend of mine who has been dead since 1984.

In the dream, not only was he alive, but his conscience was unbothered by the affair and he was unaffected by how devastated I was.

So, what does it mean to have a dream about my wife, my partner in our joyless marriage, having an affair with a dead man, the ultimate in unattainable lovers?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that the dream is haunting me. I’ve been cheated on before and the dream stirred up the feelings I had before when I was cheated on. They are feelings unique from any others.

So, today, I’m making my way through the day wondering if my wife has been in the arms of another man or woman.

We’ll see if anything develops from my wonderings, from the fears and memories stirred up by this dream.

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